Where the Hell's the Christmas spirit, dammit!

I'm away from the family blog for a short time and everything falls apart. Let me get this straight. Our tradition of drawing names and giving a gift to one of our siblings has been traded in for putting our present money in fast offerings? I don't think the Church wants the joke book I got Todd in their fast offering envelope. Then again, I'm sure some hungry little Peruvian boy can read it in order to forget his hunger pains which will be swapped for a side ache from laughing so hard once he has the jokes translated into English. Come on Georgie, where's the brother I love who exchanged photo text messages with me at 4:00am on "Black Friday" while he waited in line at "Fast Offerings Are Us." Oh wait, that was TOYS R US! Just because I'm not a 4-year-old girl doesn't mean I wouldn't cry myself to sleep if a funny or cheesy or heart-felt gift from one of my siblings wasn't under my tree Christmas morning. Ok, I hate Christmas trees, but you get the point. This gift-giving tradition will live on in the Johnson family if I have to personally walk to your homes in order to hand deliver a gift to each and every one of you by Christmas. I'd drive, but I still have to wait until January.

On a similar tangent, it slightly freaks me out that my brother has made a schedule for gift exchange through 2012....barring any marital status changes. Amy, I'll race you to see who can foil Scott's list first! Nanny nanny ha ha. Actually, I think adding Bobby to the list is going to happen before I foil the list.

Here is a little story I thought I'd share with the fam following my trip to Portland last week. During a layover in Boise on the first leg of my flight from Portland to SLC, passengers arriving in Boise de-planed and a new crew of flight attendants boarded before other passengers in order to restock the peanuts (sorry Scott) and beverages. I went to the top of the ramp to find an outlet to charge my laptop before flying the rest of the way to SLC but they Southwest employee told me I wouldn't have enough time and asked me to get back on the plane. No problem. About 10 minutes later, two Boise cops came on the plane and told me to get off the plane and follow them. Needless to say, they weren't very subtle about their invitation. I follow them up the ramp and through the crowd of people waiting to board the plane, to an empty boarding area where they tell me to sit while one of them interrogates me while the other tries to look menacing--he wasn't very good at it. Apparently, one of the flight attendants had submitted a sworn statement that I had said I was "dismantling a bomb" on the plane. That's right, I'm such a threat to national security, that I am DISmantling a bomb on a plane in Boise. I still have NO IDEA what I could have been talking about that would sound like "dismantle a bomb" to someone within earshot. Anyway, they take all of my equipment off of the plane and search it. Of course, I had just shot a wedding in Portland so I was carrying A LOT of camera gear which looks even more suspicious when the authorities already think you're a terrorist. Next, the authorities empty the plane, bring on the bomb sniffing dogs who sniff the cabin of the plane and the luggage compartment. Meanwhile, the Bosie PD, Air Marshals and the TSA interrogate me about my life, criminal history, destination, personal hygiene, seminary attendance and for some reason they wanted to know how well I knew Todd. Curious. Finally, once it was deemed that I was not a terrorist and there was no bomb on the plane, they begin to board the plane, but some of the passengers won't get on the plane if I do because they feel unsafe (I get this a lot, but it usually has nothing to do with terror plots). Southwest decides that I can't fly their airline the rest of the way to SLC and they reimburse Andrea for the cost of the flight and send us to Delta. The Air Marshal let me know that it's a federal offense to make bomb threats on an airplane but they were going to give me a break. Nice of them. As an added bonus, coming back through security after buying a Delta ticket, I am flagged and searched HEAD to TOE. Frisked, swabbed, analyzed, probed, x-rayed...the works. I felt like I was on an alien mother-ship. I had to draw the line at the mention of a full cavity search. A guy has his dignity after all. So in the spirit of holiday giving, I need each of you to donate $100 to my therapy fund so that I can sort out this traumatic experience in the tropical location of my choice. Merry Christmas to me!

Hopefully everyone is doing well. Margie, I am going to FedEx the reunion CD to you tomorrow. I know, I know, you'll believe it when you see it. Hopefully it isn't too late. I've only been reminded 10-20 times. Dang secretary of mine is SO unorganized.

Fleas Dadyda

KJ